


THSBC

by TrekFaerie



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-29
Updated: 2018-07-29
Packaged: 2019-06-17 23:28:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15472479
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TrekFaerie/pseuds/TrekFaerie
Summary: Markus tries to film a PSA about safe sexual practices.





	THSBC

**Author's Note:**

> dedicated to cursed chat: built on dogfucking, modernized by vore.
> 
> nearly every line of this is a hideous inside joke that you should be very grateful to not understand if you don't.

"And... Rolling."

Markus exhaled unnecessarily, looking into the lens of Josh's camera with what he hoped was a concerned, slightly disappointed paternal expression, sitting on a backwards-facing chair in a pose Simon had assured him put the youth at ease. "Hi, everyone. Markus Manfred here. There's been some concerning developments within the community as of late, and as the face of our fight for freedom, I feel a sense of obligation to discuss these important, if delicate, topics with you all.

"Despite popular belief, there actually isn't a safe percentage of your 'blue blood' that could be replaced by any foreign liquid, whether human semen, human urine, Jack Daniels, or anything else that isn't officially sanctioned thirium. Foreign contamination is a dangerous condition that can cause extreme damage to your vital biocomponents. You should seek immediate medical attention should any contamination occur."

He glanced at them nervously. Simon, standing at Josh's side and carrying cue cards, smiled encouragingly and tapped just above his eyebrow. Markus nodded.

"Replacing your ocular and auditory sensors with alternate biocomponents may seem like a fun way to spend a Saturday night, but the structure of your skulls isn't designed to handle the stress of intercourse. Severe fractures will occur, and there is the risk of permanent CPU damage.

"The common feral pigeon carries dozens of diseases-- Oh my God, how many of these have we had to add?"

Simon winced. "There's three more cards since last time,"

"Four," North said, from her perch on the couch. "Hank texted me half an hour ago from the hospital. Something about string cheese? I didn't ask for details."

"These fucking--" Markus put his head in his hands. "Why the fuck did we even bother with a revolution? Maybe we didn't deserve to be free."

Josh turned off the camera. "C'mon, Markus, you know you don't mean that."

"I really do this time! Every goddamn day, it's some new weird shit androids are doing in the name of getting off-- and 'that ho sent by Cyberlife' is behind half of them! Why even bother telling them not to do it; they'll just go off and get themselves killed by trying to fuck a bear or whatever it is they feel like this week."

"You're preaching to the choir over here," North said. "If the past three videos didn't do anything, what good will one more do?"

"I should just skip the speeches, grab the camera, and tell them the damn truth: 'Do you all want to live free or drink cum? Make a decision!'"

Simon gave Josh a tired smile. "One more try, once he calms down?" he asked quietly, just loud enough to be heard over Markus and North's animated discussion. 

Josh shrugged. "Fifty-second time's the charm, right?"


End file.
